Beginning of my Spiritual Life
I, in the initial stages of my life have been an atheist. I didn’t believe in any such power called GOD. I believed only in the power of human beings because at the very beginning of my job, I came in touch with people who worked for Worker’s Union.
So, I was inclined more towards politics.” It has been my basic nature that always stand firm on my principles.” In this way following my path, I complete all of my work in the least amount of time and expect the results. I do not believe in any such work which doesn’t bear any result even after a long span of time.
I believe that the way, taste of any food is realised right after putting it in the mouth, in the same way every work should bring about a direct experience. In the absence of any result, I consider doing any work a waste. Today’s “Bahirmukhi” (outwardly focussed) spiritual practices do not result in any kind of direct realisation. Relying on superstitions alone, man remains entangled in different “karmkand” (religious activities) all through his life, still he doesn’t get anything.
The religious masters of four different religions of this era have very cleverly made different beliefs and principles. That the result of all religious activities will be derived in next life, with faith and trust, the man is made to slog all his life. In this way life of countless people in this world has been made meaningless. This was the reason that slowly I became completely an atheist since it is my nature, that I say what I think and I also do what I say. People are atheist only for name sake, the atheism disappears when faced with difficulty of a small nature. Country like Russia also had re-opened the prayer places of all the religions during the World War Second.
But like Kalidas, I firmly stood my ground. This way when this extremity tried to cross over its ultimate limit, there was an explosion. I was in the same condition as faced by the inhabitants of Hiroshima. It was such a strange and horrifying mental state that nothing was comprehensible. All kinds of physical treatments failed. The condition was so fearsome that I myself started thinking that now the end time was not very far off. In this condition my friend Mr. Ram Dubey suggested the chanting of Gayatri Mantra. The power in which I didn’t believe at all, due to the fear of death, happily agreed to do as told. At that time my mental state was such where on one side the death was ready to engulf me and on the other side, I was fervently praying to that unseen power to save my life. In such a condition, how will be the concentration and fervent appeal, can be easily understood. The goal was to do one lakh twenty-five thousand chants in proper manner. This took about three and a half months to complete.
All throughout this long period, the nature and intensity of concentration and prayer constantly remained the same. Morning from four to seven and in the evening from seven to nine, chanting continued uninterrupted. The chanting was stopped on the very next day of the completion of one lakh twenty- five thousand chants. Out of habit I woke up at 4:00 am but since chanting wasn’t to be done, keeping my eyes closed, I kept lying on the bed.
I had started the chanting in the year 1968, from the first day of the ‘navratri’ that commences in winter, so it was very cold. While I was lying under the quilt with my eyes closed, I saw “A strange type of white light within me from navel till throat”. No other parts of the body like liver, spleen, heart or lungs were visible except for the light. I was surprised to see this light within me, as light is seen through the eyes. Apart from this, why wasn’t any part of the body visible in spite of the fierce white light. The moment I concentrated there, I heard humming sound of bees which was coming from the navel. I wondered how the sound of bees is coming from my stomach.
The more I concentrated on this sound, the more I could hear very clearly that ‘Gayatri Mantra’ is being chanted within, on its own. The one who was chanting was not seen still it continued constantly and unhindered. For at least 10 to 15 minutes, I kept seeing and listening to all this and thought, how strange is this that light is perceived through eyes and sound through ears but how all this is being seen and heard from a position much lower than eyes and ears. The concentration broke at around five O’clock due to the sound of water dropping from the tap in the bathroom that had been left opened by children the previous evening.
After this I got up, completed my daily chores and left for job. Thought, may be due to following a particular routine for such a long period and having concentrated on it constantly that the thought stayed behind. But after this incident, such a transformation occurred that I became completely incapable of consuming ‘Paan’, cigarette, tea etc. The very thought of using them brought a huge state of unrest within me. This way even though desired, it became impossible to use them. Eating food with anyone or having to tell a lie in any field of life, made me feel very uncomfortable.
Since the chanting had been stopped completely, so gradually this state subsided and I again started living like a normal person. But a strangeness had come within my body that if my mind and heart concentrated intensely on any goal of life, the outcome was seen clearly like on a television much in advance and later the incident would happen exactly the way as it was revealed to me. This way for about an year, I received countless proofs constantly and they all happened in the physical world exactly the way I had seen them.
“A bunch of words have this strange might and power, was beyond my imagination.”
So out of curiosity, I thought of praying again. After deciding to pray to that supreme power, I started praying. Keeping a picture of Lord Shri Krishna in front just like Gayatri, I started chanting a ‘beej mantra’ of Krishna. I neither decided the total number of chants to be done nor any specific goal for this worship. Only out of curiosity to see when and what happens. The chanting continued for about two and a half to three years in the morning and evening in the same way as before. One day a thought came that the number of chants done so far must be more than many hundred times of Gayatri mantra still haven’t got any such realisation. The moment I thought so, a strange situation developed. All the time a shadow was visible when glanced sideways. When I looked straight, nothing was seen. Thought maybe its an eye disease, went to the doctors but no such disease was found. The chanting continued as before. One day a thought occurred that I have no knowledge of this discipline, so unnecessarily shouldn’t fall into unseen problems hence stopped the chanting of the mantra but the shadow continued to be seen. I thought since it is not causing any harm so if it is still visible then let it be
It was shortly after stopping the chants, one night when I was sleeping in my village, around five in the morning I heard a voice which distinctly said” Beta(Son) now chant only ‘Krishna’. This voice was heard very clearly two times. Suddenly I woke up but who said it, couldn’t understand. I still didn’t chant. But since I was in the habit of chanting for years, it felt awkward without chanting.
One day a thought occurred that I was addressed as ‘Beta’(Son) so whatever good or bad happens, will be the responsibility of the one whose voice was heard. Why will I be responsible for any faults in this?
With this thought, removing all doubts, I started chanting Krishna’s name. A small word, when took speed, started progressing ten times faster than the previous one. A year must have passed when a strange incident happened. One day around four in the morning in partial awakened state what I see is —
I am sitting in a room. There is another room of the same kind. There is a connecting door between that room and mine on which a very beautiful pink coloured velvet curtain is hanging touching the floor. The moment I looked at that curtain I saw it moving as if moved by the blowing wind. At the same time, I heard a sound coming from the other room saying “See, don’t move the curtain, it will get removed”. I said” Even if a strong blow of wind separates it, it will eventually fall back to its original position.” A voice from the other end said,” Do you understand the meaning of separation? I said,” Can there be any meaning other than what I have just said?”The voice from the other end said, “yes” and asked to see what the removal of it means. Along with this, the scene related to curtain disappeared and see instead a man whose curtain has been removed, has become all knowing (Trikaldarshi).This way his sense of attachment has been completely broken. His sense of duality has completely ended. He looks at all the beings of the world with equality, neither is he attached to anyone nor does he envy anybody. Right after this the same pink curtain is seen and a voice comes from the other end,” See, this is what the removal of curtain means.” I said this is a very nice thing and for this only, I have been doing all this. Then I hear the voice saying this is all right but then there is a word “Yogbhrast”, what is it? Do you know anything about it? I said, during the time of spiritual practice (Aradhana), any wrong doing results in downfall of the spiritual practice. The voice from the other side said it is almost right but is not the right definition of it.
You have small children, a wife, a mother. They all are completely dependent on you. It is correct that if you get the curtain removed, your condition will be exactly the same as you just saw but these people don’t have any knowledge about it. When you will leave all of them in the prime of their youth, their call for you in distress full of misery and pain will lead to your downfall. This way by becoming “Yogbhrasht, it will become the reason for your downfall. Now do as you think is right.
After listening to this, I was in great dilemma. I asked, worship and prayer can also lead to such a fierce outcome, I had never ever imagined it? The voice came, the path of ‘Karma’ (Karamgati) is very intense, no one can understand it. After thinking for some time when I could not understand what I should be doing in future, I asked the same unseen voice,” I am not able to understand what I should be doing so please guide me and I am ready to do exactly that.”
This way as a result of my praying, the voice from the other room said” Now that the curtain has moved, it will be removed at its prescribed time so stop moving it now. Do your duty as per the requirement in the field of your work.” With these words the scene disappeared, and I woke up. Morning had set in so after completing my daily chores, after placing a garland on Bhagwan Shri Krishna’s picture, I took leave of him. This happened in the last days of the year 1974.
After this till 1983, I actively worked at various positions for Worker’s Union and Rajasthan Farmer’s Union. But the way I had developed complete faith in the miracles of the spiritual world, my attention was constantly focussed there. I had almost become used to doing most of the work of physical world through the guidance of the spiritual powers. This was the reason that I was rarely unsuccessful in my work. Whatever work I undertook, I was successful in it. In 1982 I had got a clear message to separate myself from the worker’s union, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. As a result of not obeying the order, I had to face a lot of failures and disappointments in the physical world whereas earlier whatever work I undertook, I used to be successful in it.
Fortunately, in the month of March or April of the year 1983, I got the good fortune of meeting a great saint and an empowered spiritual master Baba Shri Gangainath ji Yogi. This in a way gave birth to a new consciousness to life and it became more blissful. But in my life the happy times have been very short.
June -July of 1983, I had to face severe mental depression. There were many indications prompting me constantly to go to Jamsar but unfortunately, I was not able to understand them. This way without any reason from 23 Aug’1983 I just stopped going for my job, sat at home without any reason but still was not able to go to meet Gurudev (Spiritual master).
Unfortunately, on the dark night of 31st Dec’1983, Babaji physically left the world. Met Baba Ramnathji, resident of Sujandesar, at Bikaner station, while he was on his way to Jamsar for organizing the first ‘Bhanadara’ (public feast). After hearing from him, the news of Baba’s leaving the world, I was stunned (felt the ground slipping from under my feet). Baba Ramnathji requested several times to come for the ‘bhandara’ but declining his request with a heavy heart, I went to Ganagashahar. The support of my physical father was snatched from me at the tender age of three and the Spiritual father also left me in a few days, leaving me under the care of God. This way just like in my physical life, I was forced to go through immense struggle in spiritual life too.
The physical life’s relation was limited to only earning the livelihood but in that too I had to go through extreme difficulties. Never ever knew what happiness was like.
The field of spiritual life encompasses the entire world. Just like in the physical world, here also will have to struggle with opposite forces, was very clear.I was thrown into the filed of world, all alone, to struggle with the opposite and extremely difficult situations in life with only the support of God. Like Arjun, all the paths have been obstructed, only one path has been left open. I feel very disappointed when I see that I have been left all alone to fight with demonic tendencies of the world. But when I look back on my past, I derive some strength from the fact that despite being all alone, defeating the opposite and extremely difficult situations in my life, I have reached till here.
Apart from this the other support is of the unseen supreme divine power which has already shown me the scenes of my life till the last breath in pieces, like trailer of a film and today also that supreme power is guiding me at every step. I have been shown with proof that whatever is to be done is apredeter mined arrangement and not even an iota of change is possible in it. By putting me in extremely difficult circumstances I was forced to perform spiritual practices, leading to the accumulation of the amount of spiritual power, that I was incapable of calculating, when all of a sudden Gurudev handed over his vast spiritual power in inheritance, the amount of which is impossible for me to figure out.
I can clearly feel that I am merely a puppet who is dancing by the will of the divine power. I have been told very clearly that I have reached the other end of this ‘ bhavsagar’(Sea of life). The benevolent, all powerful divine force has firmly held my right hand in his right hand by bending forward. In this situation, with little effort, I will easily be able to cross the ‘bhavsagar’( sea of life).I have been clearly explained that for this, my effort is utmost important otherwise it is impossible to complete the work. With the support of some of these guidelines and orders, I have set out alone.
I have been clearly told, crossing which all valleys, canyons, extremely dangerous forests and deserts how I will reach the top of the highest summit. People of the world have very little knowledge about that Supreme power right now but lately, there has been an unprecedented increase in the efforts. This is proven by the fact that the Divine power has descended on the earth and as per a well conceived plan it is spreading its light in the world with a great speed. As when the time of sunrise approaches, the light of the stars gets dimmer. The stars do not like this loss of power but despite opposition from all the stars, the time of sunrise doesn’t change. The moment sun rises, the power of all the stars disappears despite their being at the same positions as before. The condition of the world is like this today.
This situation is not acceptable to the people of different faith and religious masters of different religions but just like stars they will have no power to control it. All will be left watching helplessly.
Mahrishi Aurobindo had seen this clearly. So, he had announced the descent of that power. I can feel it clearly that when I talk about direct experience and self realisation, people of the world look at me with disbelief and a questioning look. They do not believe this at all.
When I talk about ‘Naamkhumari’ (Intoxication due to chanting) and ‘Naam-amal’, they are not able to believe it. Our sages have talked about direct experience and self realisation and this was repeated before the world by Swami Vivekanand in the last century. The great saint Sant Guru Nanakdeo ji and Kabir Saheb have clearly revealed about ‘Naamkhumari’ and ‘Naamamal’. Due to the monopoly of the ‘Tamasic’ powers, the people of this era are not able to understand it. The mankind of this era cannot be blamed for this, it is the quality of this era.
If the condition of the world would not have been such, the descent of the supreme power wouldn’t have been possible. When I talk about causal body, subtle body, soul and that it is possible to have direct experience and self realisation, people of the world look at me with disbelief.
This way I see that if I start talking about ‘lokas’ existing beyond the field of ‘Maya’ like ‘Satlok’, ‘Alakhlok’ and ‘Agamlok’, people of this era will revolt against me. When it looks impossible for the man of this era to have knowledge of the experiences that can be had while living in the field of ‘Maya’ then talks about the ‘lokas’ beyond the field of ‘Maya’ will be considered totally imaginary and untrue. I have been knowing and experiencing the different ‘Lokas’ of the spiritual world for quite some time now.
All such experiences are being found true in physical world too. But I was not in a state where I could help others in experiencing this. After the passing away of Gurudev, when people related to me started experiencing this, I was very surprised. Since, from the beginning, I was totally unaware of the philosophical aspect of the Hindu religion, I was not able to understand it.
After meeting several people from Philosophical field, I came to know that when a true spiritual saint reaches the last stage of his life, due to having received the divine vision, he can see the past, present and future. So, this way he has complete knowledge of the person to whom he has to transfer all of his spiritual powers by ‘Shaktipat’ initiation. So, this way by the strength of his Spiritual power, he calls that person to him and gets his surrender and at the time of surrender, based on the principles of ‘Shaktipat’, transfers all his powers to him.
But till the time that saint is physically present in the world, all the powers work under him. The moment that saint dies, all the powers enter into the person on whom the ‘Shaktipat’ was done by the saint. When miracles start happening through that person due to those powers, he gradually starts understanding the situation.
This way my Gurudev out of benevolence has handed over unlimited spiritual wealth to me, the complete knowledge of which I do not have as per my present condition. Sri Aurobindo has said clearly that any work of the world more or less is filled with spiritual power.
The so-called spiritualists of this era have divided the physical and spiritual world by drawing an imaginary line between them which is the main reason for the disappearance of spiritual knowledge. Sri Aurobindo has said clearly,” When the Physical power accepts its dependence on the Spiritual power and starts obeying its order, that day heaven will descend on the earth.”
Describing the experiences, he had during his imprisonment for one year, Sri Aurobindo has written,” God has told me clearly that my power is working for the people who are struggling for independence and the people who are opposing it are also doing so due to the orders of my power. This way the entire world is active due to my energy. Even a leaf cannot move without my will.”
This way we see that all the people of the world are mere puppets. The way Supreme Power makes us dance, we have to dance. This has been explained to me very nicely. Whatever has to happen is pre planned, based on this experience, I set out on all fronts without bothering at all for physical comforts.
All the direct experiences till date have completely assured me that no work can stop in the absence of physical amenities. When I glance at my situations from the beginning till date, I find that the power that is being exhibited through me by the supreme force does not have even a fraction of contribution from my intellect or any of the powers within me. Despit my not being interested in it, that power is making me dance to its tune. That is why whatever is getting done through me, I do not have any sense of doer ship for that. I am completely assured in relation to this. I am not in any kind of doubt.
I have prayed to my spiritual master and God in clear words that I am ready to dance in anyway but the profit and loss in it will be his. I am entitled to the wages for my labour only.
When people related to me, out of reverence, give me credit for any work, I tell them clearly that brother, whatever is happening is happening because of the God’s order and grace of Gurudev.
I am just an ordinary being like you all, I have no right to take any credit for whatever is happening. My ambitions inspire me to do something else but due to certain situations, I am forced to do something else.
So, I am not at all ready to take this credit.
– Gurudev Shri Ramlal ji Siyag
12th February, 1988